Lightly edited for content and privacy, I present here a chat on the topic of her notional new charity. Also included is a discussion of whether \u201cgetting laid\u201d must always have an integer coefficient \u2013 as opposed to the existence of both negative and imaginary lays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While it was still funny this morning, please keep in mind that this was \u201cbeer up the nose\u201d funny last night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
9:38 PM<\/strong> Dude! M. and I just had the most brilliant idea ever!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 9:38 PM<\/strong> That smiley there? That wasn\u2019t supposed to be a smiley. It was supposed to be a parenthetical remark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 9:39 PM<\/strong> It was supposed to be ( drunk ).<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:15 PM<\/strong> What was the goddamn idea?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:15<\/strong> You\u2019re killing me here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:16 PM<\/strong> Ok\u2026 we want to start a charity\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:16 PM<\/strong> This is an M idea. How does it involve simulated boobies?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:16 PM<\/strong> for *kids*!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:16 PM<\/strong> Kids charity. Got it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Catchy idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Kids who are dying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Like Ronald McDonald house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> A single tear courses down my cheek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Kids who are dying\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Are we killing them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> No. They\u2019re dying anyways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> Okay. At some level we\u2019re all dying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:17 PM<\/strong> But I digress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> Right. But these guys are dying, like, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> Okay, onward to the charity where we \u2013 what \u2013 save them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> Pay per view?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> They\u2019re dying, but they really want to get laid before they die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> Like, *really*.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> How young are these kids?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> I think they\u2019ll have to be 16+.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:18 PM<\/strong> You\u2019re going to have a charity where you bang the underage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Not me specifically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Remember the conversation we had about prostitution?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Pity-screw for the kids?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Totally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Wait, we\u2019re going to pay hookers to do this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Well, who else would?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> I *knew* boobs came into this somehow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> I dunno \u2013 charitable people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:19 PM<\/strong> Hey, it\u2019s cheaper that way\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> Some of \u2019em, though, will need a professional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> Okay, broadly speaking I support the \u201cget people laid before they die\u201d idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> I thought you would understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> Would you be an arm of the \u201cmake a wish\u201d foundation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> We were thinking we could pick up where they left off. They have political considerations, after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:20 PM<\/strong> M. wants to call it the \u201cmake a dirty wish\u201d foundation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:21 PM<\/strong> Are we talking just a quick wham bam, or the full \u201cgirlfriend experience\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:21 PM<\/strong> Do dying people really think about sex all the time? I guess that 16 year olds do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:21 PM<\/strong> Whatever $500 gets you at the Mustang Ranch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:21 PM<\/strong> I\u2019m *sure* 16 year olds do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:21 PM<\/strong> In between chemo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> Hey, *some* of them worry about this. Not all, but some.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> And some of their parents will even let them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> What if they\u2019re dying of a transmissible disease?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> There\u2019s a larger problem of making prostitution legal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:22 PM<\/strong> We\u2019re thinking we\u2019ll be based in Nevada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> Is this an under the radar attempt to get legal prostitution through as a 501c3 charitable organization and then expand from there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> Because that would be sneaky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> And totally unlike me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> \u201cSure, it\u2019s hooking, but it\u2019s not for profit hooking, for a good cause.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> That\u2019s actually remarkably evil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> It\u2019s not evil!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> No one is hurt by this!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> True.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:23 PM<\/strong> Just sneaky then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> Unlawful? maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> Chaotic good, all the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> Chaotic good better have high intelligence, that\u2019s all I\u2019m saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> A moron level chaotic good is just chaotic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> Ha!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> (witness evangelical christians)<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> Yeah\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:24 PM<\/strong> So as you can see, M and I split a bottle of wine tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:27 PM<\/strong> I have just read this whole conversation to J.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> She asks \u201cwhy do dying children need to have sex?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> Ha!!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> If they\u2019re actually teenagers, that should be obvious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> There is an implicit suggestion in her voice that we are not really talking about the children here \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> Couldn\u2019t we, like, help them not die instead?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:28 PM<\/strong> That would be better, but probably wouldn\u2019t cost $500.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:29 PM<\/strong> J does not believe that this was a single bottle of wine you split.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:29 PM<\/strong> Perhaps it was a large bottle?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:29 PM<\/strong> Nope. Just one. Sorry to disillusion you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:29 PM<\/strong> What if there were children having sex that they did not want to be having.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> Perhaps we could provide a negative lay in those situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> That would be another problem that $500 could not solve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> \u201cnegative lay\u201d Wow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> And that would build up \u2013 work with me here \u2013 a store of negative lays that we could use to offset the positive one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> and thus \u2013 net \u2013 no sex changed hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:30 PM<\/strong> I am filled with a strong desire to edit this chat and place it on the internet. This is comedy gold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:31 PM<\/strong> I think my high school career build up enough \u201cnegative lay\u201d for an entire nation of unwilling children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:31 PM<\/strong> We know that there are imaginary lays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:31 PM<\/strong> That\u2019s just the square root of a negative lay \u2026 thus they exist too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:34 PM<\/strong> I think that if imaginary lays could really be multiplied together to negate \u201creal\u201d lays, there would be no real lays left and the entire species would be gone. Therefore the vast number of imaginary lays out there must not have any effect on the real ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:34 PM<\/strong> And you should *not* be making me do this kind of math while drunk. Seriously. I\u2019m a *biologist*.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:35 PM<\/strong> How, exactly, would you bring together two imaginary lays without destroying them and creating a *real* lay?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:35 PM<\/strong> I think they\u2019re like \u2013 antimatter \u2013 or something. Positrons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:35 PM<\/strong> R. would know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:36 PM<\/strong> If they work like imaginary numbers, bringing two imaginary lays together would produce a negative one. That *negative* one would be the danger. So they must always be kept separate. This must be why it\u2019s so difficult to discuss porn with your friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:36 PM<\/strong> I suggest that imaginary lays are also mutually repulsive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:36 PM<\/strong> Real lays are as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:37 PM<\/strong> However imaginary lays and real ones attract.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:37 PM<\/strong> Not enough!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:37 PM<\/strong> You need a real one available, and the imaginary is attracted to it. Unfortunately the product of a real and an imaginary lay is also imaginary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:38 PM<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s probably a good thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:38 PM<\/strong> Not for the kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:39 PM<\/strong> I still think a dying high school senior should be able to get some.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:39 PM<\/strong> Let\u2019s be blunt: You think that high school seniors in general ought to be able to get some.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:39 PM<\/strong> Not necessarily\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:39 PM<\/strong> The dying part just puts a shorter fuse on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:39 PM<\/strong> No?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> They should have hope of getting some.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> So this should be a lottery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> Usually, that hope is college.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> Certainty doesn\u2019t breed hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> Hmmm\u2026 maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:40 PM<\/strong> I like the idea of spreading hope among the suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:41 PM<\/strong> Yeah. You\u2019re right that there are more desperate demographics than sick teenagers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:41 PM<\/strong> Hooker-con should be co-located with a trek convention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:41 PM<\/strong> *boom*<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:41 PM<\/strong> I think that *would* destroy the universe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:41 PM<\/strong> R. would know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> Fortunately the universe to be destroyed would be an imaginary one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> I find saying \u201cR would know\u201d insanely funny in this context.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> Totally!!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> Because we\u2019re talking about the physics, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> Exactly!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10:42 PM<\/strong> Brain said \u201cphysics,\u201d but fingers typed \u201cphysical.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n